Gumball Rally: World Racers
by BKelly95
Summary: When a mysterious racer challenges Michael Bannon to a race, he summons drivers from all over the world for a wild race. Who will win and what crazy adventures will happen in the meantime?
1. A Challenge

Gumball Rally: World Racers

Chapter 1: A Challenge.

AN:Just a little something I had in mind. I had an idea of a race between representatives of multiple U.S. states and countries of the world and kind of ran with it. This is how it turned out.  
This doesn't fit into any existing continuity from any other writer. It's designed to stand alone. There are a small number of characters of my own creation, but I've decided to keep that to a minimum.  
The cars featured come from the PS2 racing game "Juiced". The game featrues licensed cars, so the cars will be referred to by their real names for the most part. One car will have a code name, but it's already well established.  
And here we go:

At a diner in Whatchacallit, Maine, the evening crowd gathered for dinner.

The owner, a lady named "Flo" Pyle, looked up at the television as a reporter announced "Earlier this week, race car driver turned businessman Michael Bannon announced the return of the Gumball Rally, a race of his own organization. Racers are to gather..."

"Boy, I remembah doing that." said Captain Eddie, a short, stout fisherman with a pipe. "Took paht in the Gumball Rally last ye-ah."

"Ah geeze, Eddie." said Flo. "Is this anothah one of yah tall tales?"

"Tall tales?" asked Eddie. "This actually happened. I don't know how, but I somehow got invited to be in the Gumball."

"Yeah, yah gonna tell us about it." sighed Flo.

"Glad you asked." said Eddie.

* * *

_"It all stahted at an office in New Yahk. I wasn't present, but I assume it went like this..."_

Michael Bannon paced around his office while having a video conference with a client.

"The location is not the problem." said Michael. "What concerns me is the timetable."

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Bannon." said the man onscreen. "But we can't have this building up any faster."

"I can understand that." said Michael. "But can you understand that this warehouse is required for next year's shipments?"

"Yes, I can." said the man as the picture started to break up. "I'm just poin-ing out th- imp-ib..."

"We're breaking up." said Michael.

"I -hink w- ha- a b- con..." said the man as the picture finally gave out.

He was replaced by an Asian man wearing a black racing jumpsuit. "There is nothing wrong with your picture, Mr. Bannon."

"Who are you?" asked Michael.

"I am Balong." said the man. "I am the best race driver in the nation of Panau. But the competition is starting to get stale."

"Why are you telling me this?" asked Michael.

"I seek new competition." said Balong. "Namely, I'm challenging you. I've heard of your little race, the Gumball Rally."

"Tell me when you're going to be in New York and we can start the race." said Michael.

"Not America." said Balong. "I'm currently wanted in fifteen U.S. states. No, we must set this event in another country."

"What did you have in mind?" asked Michael.

"Someplace scenic, but with challenging roads." said Balong. "I was thinking that New Zealand would be the ideal place."

"You're in luck." said Michael. "I happen to be friends with the cultural attache from New Zealand. I'm sure we can work something out."

"Perfect." said Balong.

"One other thing." said Michael. "I've had this idea for a specially themed race for a while. I'd invite one team from each U.S. state, the District of Columbia, and numerous countries. I'd like to put this into effect here. I'd represent New York state and you would represent Panau."

"Sounds fair enough." said Balong.

"Then, it's a deal." said Michael. "We head to New Zealand to race against the world's best and brightest."

"Bye bye." said Balong.

He disappeared from the screen and put the other man back.

"Well, good to see that's fixed." said the man.

"You know what?" asked Michael. "Forget the timetable. Build the warehouse at your own pace. I can wait."

* * *

At the Reno, Nevada Sheriff's Department, two policemen set up the briefing room.

One of them, a brown-haired man with a moustache and a pair of shorts as part of his uniform, turned to address the camera. "What's going on is we've been asked to participate in the Gumball Rally as security." said the man, Lieutenant Jim Dangle. "Several other law enforcement groups have been invited as well for the same reason. We're setting up to organize our efforts."

The other man, who had dark hair and a moustache and wore a bulletproof vest on the outside of his uniform, joined him. "Our car is sitting in the parking lot." said the man, Deputy Travis Junior. "It was confiscated from a local ne'er-do-well who we arrested last month. The car was heading for a police auction when we got it. I think it'll be a nice car once we've cleaned the blood out and filled in the bullet holes."

Their first guests arrived shortly afterward. They were a trio of Asian men.

"Greetings from China." said their leader, an athletic man. "My name is Inspector Lee and we too have been selected for the Gumball."

"Welcome...to...America!" said Dangle slowly and loudly. "We...are...pleased...to...meet...you!"

"Lieutenant Dangle." said the second man, who was somewhat overweight. "I don't know if you've been informed, but the three of us speak perfect English. In fact, I spent two years with the Los Angeles police force."

"This is Detective Sammo Law." said the third, a slender man wearing glasses. "And I am Detective Chang. We were personally selected for our work."

"Okay, glad you could be here." said Dangle. "Sit anywhere you'd like."

As the Chinese team took their seats, another pair of men entered. One was an older man with a dark moustache and a French policeman's cap. The other was a dark-haired athletic man wearing cargo pants and a black tank top.

"'Allo." said the older man.

"Ah, you must be the French team." said Dangle.

"Mais oui." said the man. "I am Inspector Clouseau of the French police and this is my noble assistant, Leito."

"Bonjour." said Leito.

"I checked your department's records." said Dangle. "I don't recall seeing this man on staff."

"And that is because Leito is not actually on our payroll." said Clouseau. "He is actually part of a group of concerned citizens similar to your Neighborhood Watch."

"Not quite." said Leito.

"So, why did you bring him?" asked Junior.

"If you see me in action, you'll know." said Leito.

Two more men entered, arguing in German.

"Ah, welcome to America." said Dangle. "Officers Gerkhan and Jager of the Autopolizei, I assume?"

"Ja." said one of the men. "I am officer Samir Gerkhan and this is Ben Jager."

"Okay, now that we're mostly here." said Dangle. "It's time to start the briefing."

There was a knock at the door and two more men walked in. "Is this the briefing for the Gumball Rally?" asked one, a dark-haired man with an athletic build.

"Yes, it is." said Dangle. "Please, take a seat, Mr..."

"I'm Steve McGarrett." said the man. "And this is Danny Williams."

"We're with Hawaii Five-O." said Danny, a man with blonde, spiky hair and short facial hair. "It's an elite police unit specializing in large scale crimes."

"Then, it's a good thing you're here." said Dangle. "Now, as you know, you've been summoned for the Gumball Rally as part of the security force. The race is being held in New Zealand and was organized after a challenge by this man."

Junior put a picture of Balong up on the easel and almost knocked it over.

"His name is Balong." said Dangle. "All we know is that he's part of the underground racing scene in the nation of Panau."

"Une question." said Clouseau. "Is Balong his first name or last name?"

"Both." said Dangle.

"Actually, in Polynesian culture," said Chang "very often a person will have just the one name."

"Lieutenant Dangle?" asked Steve. "I've just had a word with Detective Williams and I think we might have a personal stake in this."

"Go ahead." said Dangle.

"I thought Mr. Balong looked familiar." said Danny. "So, I checked with headquarters and it turns out he's wanted in Hawaii for his involvement in a series of auto thefts. If caught, he's looking at a stiff sentence."

"Well, that's great." said Dangle. "Then, we can take care of the main security problem from the get-go. Just arrest him, extradite him to Hawaii, and lock him up. I guess there's really no need for strategy. Meeting adjourned."

* * *

Somewhere under South Dakota, in a facility known as "Warehouse 13"...

"I've been following the racing scene in Panau for some time." said a short man with black hair and a short beard. "There's a driver who's made a sudden jump to the top of the rankings."

"But that happens in racing all the time." said a black-haired woman named Myka Bering. "What's so interesting about this one?"

"This particular racer has been at the bottom of the rankings for years." said the bearded man, Artie Neilsen. "Occasionally, he'd be lucky to actually finish a race. Suddenly, he's one of the best the country has to offer and is practically infallible."

"And you suspect an artifact." said a black-haired man, Peter Lattimer.

"I do, in fact." said Artie. "I may be wrong, but I'd like it if you were to check it out."

"Artie, I don't think Panau is within the Secret Service's jurisdiction." said Myka.

"Just as well." said Artie. "My sources say an American intelligence operation is currently underway there. I'd rather you didn't get in their way. Actually, the driver in question, named Balong, is soon to take part in the Gumball Rally in New Zealand. I've managed to get you two into the race."

"Using what?" asked Peter. "I don't think our SUV is up to a race like that and I know you won't let us use your Jaguar."

"I have just the thing." said Artie.

He led them outside a few minutes later while carrying a baseball cap with the BF Goodrich logo on it.

"There it is." he said as he showed them a yellow Ford Focus ZX3.

"Not exactly what I was expecting." said Myka. "But I think we get some performance out of it."

"This is an artifact, right?" asked Peter. "Let me guess. It used to belong to Danica Patrick. No, it used to belong to Ken Block. Wait, wait. It used to belong to J.R. Hildebrant."

Artie took out an invoice. "It used to belong to..." he said before checking the invoice. "Christopher Furbush of Kingston, New York. This is a used car, Peter, not an artifact."

"Oh." said Peter.

"However, this is an artifact." said Artie as he took the baseball cap and placed it on Peter's head. "Be sure to wear it while you're driving."

A metallic buzz came from a metal box on Myka's belt. She picked it up and opened it. "Gumball." she said.

"The race is on." said Artie. "Good luck, guys."

Artie returned to the warehouse while Peter and Myka got into the Focus.

"So, who did that artifact come from?" asked Myka.

Peter took off the baseball cap and looked inside. "Dale Earnhardt?" he said. "I hope this works for us."

* * *

In Miami, a white Volkswagen Golf GTI drove along.

"I assume you've gone over his profile." said the blonde woman driving the car.

"I went over his profile and his three associates." said the dark-haired man in the passenger seat as he stared blankly through the windshield. "Despite all he's been through, he's sure to help."

The Volkswagen parked in front of a disused warehouse. The two climbed out.

Inside the warehouse, a middle-aged man took a bottle of beer out of a refrigerator. He heard a noise from outside and set the beer down. He picked up a handgun and made his way to the door.

The woman stopped at the door and said "Michael Westen? I'm Annie Walker from the CIA. I have to discuss an operation with you."

"Show me some I.D. and show me your hands." said the middle-aged man. "They'd better be empty."

Annie slipped her identification through the gap in the door and held her outstretched hands inside.

The man checked her I.D. and said "Come on in."

Annie stepped inside while keeping her hands in view. Her partner stepped inside and the man put his gun to his head.

"I recognize that hammer." said the partner. "Glock 17 if I'm not mistaken."

"You know your hardware." said the man.

"You're not Michael Westen." said Annie.

"Sam Axe." said the man. "Michael's working a case in Tampa. So, Annie Walker?"

"Yes." said Annie. "This is my partner, Augie Anderson."

"And what's this you have to discuss with Michael?" asked Sam.

"Have a seat and we'll talk." said Augie as he felt for a seat. Once he found an armrest, he lowered himself slowly into the seat.

Sam watched this as he picked up his beer. He walked over to Augie and waved his hand in front of his face.

"Seriously?" asked Augie. "Waving the hand in front of my face?"

"Your partner's blind?" asked Sam.

"Don't underestimate him." said Annie. "He's repeatedly proven himself in the heat of battle."

"So, what's this operation you're talking about?" asked Sam.

"What do you know about the nation of Panau?" asked Augie.

"Never heard of it." said Sam.

"Well, it recently became a major hotspot with the death of president Papa Panay." said Annie. "He was succeeded by his son, 'Baby' Panay who is suspected of having something to do with his father's death."

"Since he took office," said Augie "Baby Panay has started numerous weapons programs and seized control of many of the country's natural resources. He appears to have sinister intentions in mind."

"However, one of his closest friends, a man named Balong, is heading to New Zealand to take part in the Gumball Rally." said Annie. "Our plan to enter the race ourselves and capture Balong when the opportunity presents itself. After that comes the interrogation."

"Last time I checked, the Gumball was by invitation only." said Sam.

"On that end, we've got an inside man working for Michael Bannon." said Augie. "He's gotten us both into the race and on the call list. We'll be representing Virginia while you'd be representing Florida."

"Alright, I'm in." said Sam. "Sounds like a bad guy and I'd rather not imagine the potential consequences."

"Thank you very much." said Annie as she took out an envelope and handed it to Sam.

"What's this?" asked Sam as he took the envelope.

"Operating capital." said Augie. "Use that to buy some supplies for the race. New clothes, new car."

Sam smiled at them.

The following day, Sam went to a clothing store and bought jeans and a polo shirt. A Members Only jacket completed the ensemble.

Shortly afterward, Sam slipped a salesperson some money. In return, the salesperson slid him a new pair of sunglasses. He promptly put them on.

He headed to a used car dealership next. After signing the invoice, Sam shook hands with the dealer and climbed into a slate grey '99 Mustang GT.

Sam returned to the warehouse and climbed out of the Mustang. He answered his ringing cell phone. "Sam."

"Did you get everything?" asked Annie on the other end.

"Car, outfit, sunglasses." said Sam. "I've already hidden a gun under the seat. Somewhere the customs agents won't find it."

"Good, we just got the call." said Annie. "We'll be leaving shortly. We'll see you in New Zealand. When we get there, pretend we don't know each other."

"I understand." said Sam. "I'll see you there."

Sam hung up and continued towards the warehouse. His cell phone rang again.

"Sam." he answered.

"Gumball."

"I'm on my way." said Sam. He hung up and returned to the Mustang.

AN:If you're wondering, Panau is the country where "Just Cause 2" takes place. Please review.


	2. The Racers

Gumball Rally: World Racers

Chapter 2: The Racers.

"Of course, you can't have a race without race-ahs." said Captain Eddie. "So, Mr. Bannon sent out invitations around the wahld. I think it went something like this:"

Michael sat down at his computer and opened a file. "Okay, let's take a look at who's in this race." he said.

The file was a list of competitors which read as follows:

Alabama **(Top Gear US)**  
members:Tanner Foust, Rutledge Wood.  
car:Nissan 300ZX.

Alaska **(30 Days Of Night)**

A yellow Toyota MR2 Spyder pulled up in front of an orphanage in Mexico. A blonde woman climbed out of the driver's seat and approached the front door.

A monk walked over to her and asked "May I help you?"

"My name is Stella Oleson." said the woman. "I am looking for Nacho."

The monk sighed and walked away. Shortly afterward, a portly monk with brown, messy hair and a moustache walked in. "You are Stella?" he asked. "I am Nacho. How can I help?"

"I need to speak with you in private." said Stella.

"You can speak freely here." said Nacho.

"I come from the town of Barrow, Alaska." she said. "Not long ago, we were attacked by a horde of vampires."

Nacho immediately looked nervous. "Oh." he said. "Yes, that is a serious problem."

"My husband was among the victims." said Stella. "He gave his life to defeat the leader. I have been searching for vampires all over the country seeking to prevent another catastrophie. I recently discovered that the progenator of the vampires has been recruited for a road race called the Gumball Rally."

"I have heard of the Gumball Rally." said Nacho. "How do you intend to use this information?"

"I am entering the Gumball." said Stella. "I managed to convince Michael Bannon to invite us into the race. He doesn't know about my intentions."

"You said 'us'." said Nacho. "How do I fit into your plan?"

"You will be my backup." said Stella. "I've heard about you, a monk who moonlights as a luchador. You have God's backing on your side and the moves to easily protect yourself."

"I see." said Nacho. "Who is this progenitor you speak of?"

"None other than Count Dracula himself." said Stella. "He's real. Bram Stoker based his novel on a real incident."

"Very well." said Nacho. "I will help you. Count Dracula's existance as a vampire is a conflict of God's design. I will leave when it's time."

Another monk walked over and said "Ignacio, this came for you." as he handed Nacho a telegram.

Nacho looked at the telegram as Stella's cell phone rang. "It's time." he said as he showed Stella the telegram. It simply read "Gumball."

Stella showed Nacho her cell phone. The LCD screen also read "Gumball."

Minutes later, Stella and Nacho left the orphanage. "It was nice of your superior to let you do this." said Stella.

"He realizes the seriousness of the situation." said Nacho as he mounted a contraption that appeared to be a combination of a bicycle, a two-wheeled cart, and a lawn mower engine.

"Whoa, what is this?" asked Stella.

"This is my vehicle." said Nacho. "I'm certain it can handle the race."

"It looks like the prototype for the Can-Am Spyder." said Stella. "Look, I have a contact in New Zealand. He can give you a car to use for the race."

"Oh." said Nacho. "Then I shall meet you at the airport."

Arizona **(The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift)**  
member:Clay.  
car:Acura NSX.

California **(Arrested Development)**

In Newport Beach, a brown-haired man stood in the living room of a model home. Nearby, a brownish-blonde haired young man sat on the couch.

_"This is Michael Bluth. Michael has been called for the Gumball Rally and is preparing to depart for New Zealand with his son George-Michael."_

"Really looking forward to this, huh?" asked George-Michael.

"This won't just be a pleasure trip." said Michael. "Before the race, I have to have a meeting with the New Zealand government. We just might have a deal to build the Lindsey House."

"In New Zealand?" asked George-Michael.

"Well, Aunt Lindsey wanted the house built in Australia for some reason." said Michael. "Hopefully, this will be close enough. Although, we are talking about Aunt Lindsey and she just might think they're the same country."

A tall, black-haired man walked in and said "Hey, Mikey!"

_"This is Michael's older brother, George-Oscar, also known as..."_

"Gob! (pronounced 'jobe')" said Michael. "What are you doing here?"

"Just wondering what you had planned for the meeting in New Zealand." said Gob.

"I was just going to have a little discussion with Auckland's building commission or whatever they call it there."

"Mmmm, sounds great." said Gob.

"Except?" asked George-Michael.

"Except they might end up too bored to make a decision in your favor." said Gob.

"What are you thinking?" asked Michael.

"A magic show, Mikey." said Gob. "Look, I'm a fairly competent magician..."

_"He wasn't."_

"...and I can put on a decent magic show..."

_"He couldn't."_

"...and I will definitely help your cause."

_"He wouldn't."_

Michael groaned. "Just what are you planning, Gob?"

"One of my normal illusions." said Gob. "I was thinking the Aztec Tomb or the Sword of Destiny or something."

"Maybe you could do something based on New Zealand." said George-Michael. "You know, like give it a national flavor or something."

"Now, that is the sign of a genius!" said Gob. "What do you say, Michael? Ready to go?"

"Yeah, it's the blue Subaru." said Michael.

"Here we go." said Gob as he stepped out of the house.

"What are you thinking?" asked Michael.

"I just thought that if he didn't go with us, he might do something really bad." said George-Michael.

_"Yeah. Bringing Gob would not prevent that from happening."_

Colorado **(Community)**

In the city of Greendale, a blonde woman drove down the street very quickly. The car had a sign on the roof for "Driver's Ed." A man in the passenger seat gripped the dashboard.

"Miss Perry, could you please slow down!" he yelled.

"Yeah, about that." said the woman, Britta Perry. "I don't really believe in speed limits, so..."

"I know you don't believe in speed limits, but they do exist!" said the man.

The car entered the parking lot of the city's community college. A middle-aged black woman stood next to an old minivan and watched the car race over. The car came to a screeching halt a few yards away.

The man tumbled out of the car and yelled "I'm alive!"

Britta climbed out of the car and walked over to the black woman.

"So, how did it go?" asked the woman, Shirley Bennett.

"Well, I think I'm glad I've already got a license." said Britta. "I only took the course to get some high speed practice in."

Shirley looked at her with annoyance.

"What? I wasn't going to do it in my car!" said Britta.

"Speaking of practice, when does Annie get here with the car?" asked Shirley.

"Soon, I hope." said Britta.

A lime green Volkswagen New Beetle drove into the parking lot and rolled over to them. The horn honked.

A teenage girl with long, dark hair climbed out of the driver's seat. "Hey, guys." she said. "Guess whose father got his little scholar something."

Britta smiled and gave a thumbs-up. Shirley said "Ooh, that's nice."

The girl, Annie Edison, started pumping her fists and chanting "Uh huh." She then did a robot dance and said monotonously "I am a robot. I am programmed to like this car."

"I guess that's better than a robot building the car." said Britta.

"Yeah." and Annie. "Nice, Britta."

"Let's try getting accustomed to the car before we leave for New Zealand." said Shirley.

Britta's cell phone went off. She checked it to find she had a text message. "No time for that." she said.

Delaware **(The Pretender)**

In Blue Cove, security guards ran through a building known as "The Centre". A man with black, thinning hair watched them run past. He stopped a black-haired woman at the back and asked "Miss Parker, what's going on?"

"We just got a report that Jarod was in the building." said Miss Parker. "With all he went through to escape this place, why would he come back?"

"Want me to get on the security system and see if I can find him?" asked the man.

"Well, of course, Broots!" snapped Miss Parker. "Get on that! It's not like he's going to step into your room and say 'Hi there.'"

Broots walked into the computer lab and sat down at a console. He started to type something.

"Come on, Jarod." he said. "Just make it easy on yourself."

He heard a noise behind him and turned around. A man with dark hair stood in front of him and said "Hi there." He then pressed a chloroform-soaked rag over Broots' face and rendered him unconcious.

Minutes later, the man wheeled Broots out to the loading dock in a wheelchair. When he got there, he moved Broots to the passenger seat of a blue '99 Honda Civic DX. He took off just after that.

A few miles down the road, Broots regained conciousness. He looked at his captor. "Jarod!" he said.

"I've been asked to take part in the Gumball Rally." said Jarod. "I thought I could use a hand, so I thought of you."

"Oh, this is going to make Miss Parker happy for once." said Broots as he took out his cell phone.

"And where are you going to tell them to come?" asked Jarod.

Broots put away his cell phone. "I guess there's no chance of refusing, is there?" he asked.

"Nope." said Jarod. "Relax, you're going to love New Zealand."

Florida** (Burn Notice)**  
member:Sam Axe.  
car:Ford Mustang GT '99.

Georgia** (The Dukes Of Hazzard)**

A pair of men watched as a local sherriff's car pulled up to a wrecked sedan.

"It looks like another of Boss Hogg's schemes just blew up in his face." said the blonde man, Bo Duke.

"Now, he has to clean up his mess like a good boy." said the dark-haired man, Bo's cousin Luke Duke.

"Let's get back to the farm." said Bo.

He and Luke returned to their signature car, an orange '69 Dodge Charger with the number "01" on the doors in blue digits. A Confederate flag was painted on the roof and a brush guard had been fitted to the front. Between the flag and the windows was the car's name: "General Lee".

"I heard Uncle Jesse is making chicken tonight." said Luke as he stuck his foot through the open passenger's side window. Shortly afterward, he put his other foot through the window and slid into the passenger seat.

Bo climbed into the driver's seat in similar fashion and the CB radio came on. "This is Crazy Cooter calling them Duke Boys. You got your ears on?"

Bo picked up the microphone and said "Yeah, this is the Duke Boys. What's the story? Come back."

"I've got a message for you guys." said Cooter. "It simply says 'Gumball'. You guys make any meaning out of that? Over."

Bo and Luke looked to each other. "Uh, negatory." said Bo into the microphone. "Cooter, could you do us a favor and keep an eye on things around here? We have to head out of town for a bit. Over."

"You do what you gotta do." said Cooter. "I'll keep watch on whatever Boss Hogg has planned. Over and out."

Bo hung up the microphone.

"The Gumball Rally." said Luke.

"Looks like we're heading to New Zealand." said Bo.

"I guess we're not eating with Uncle Jesse after all." said Luke as Bo started the General Lee.

Hawaii **(Hawaii 5-0)**  
members:Steve McGarrett, Danny Williams.  
car:Toyota Supra.

Idaho **(Napoleon Dynamite)**

Somewhere in the town of Preston, a tall teenage boy with reddish-brown curly hair stood in front of a suburban house. He wore moon boots, parachute pants, black-rimmed glasses, and a t-shirt that read "Vote For Pedro".

He heard the hum of an engine and looked up the road. A yellow Honda CRX drove towards him. The car parked in front of the house. A pair of Mexican men were inside.

"Hey, Napoleon." said the passenger, a bald man wearing a muscle shirt. "What do you think of Pedro's new ride?"

"Sweet!" said the teenager, Napoleon Dynamite. "You got the Si model. Bet you're going to be the most popular kid in school with this car."

"And I've got an election to prove it." said the driver, a teenage boy with a moustache.

"Ready for the Gumball?" asked Napoleon.

"Ready as I'll ever be. You?" said the boy, Pedro Sanchez.

"Heck, yeah." said Napoleon as the passenger climbed out of the car. Napoleon quickly took his place.

"So, Pedro." said the passenger. "What do have planned for this car?"

"I'm going to race it, floss it, slam it, and whatever Napoleon wants to do." said Pedro.

"And what are you going to do with it, Napoleon?" asked the passenger.

"Whatever I feel like I'm gonna do. Gosh." said Napoleon.

"Did you get the notification?" asked Pedro.

"A few minutes ago." said Napoleon. "Let's head off to New Zealand."

Illinois** (Perfect Strangers)**  
members:Larry Appleton, Balki Bartokomous.  
car:Renault Clio Sport 2.0 16V.

Indiana **(Parks & Recreation)**  
members:Leslie Knope, Tom Haverford.  
car:Honda Prelude VT.

Louisiana **(Gabriel Knight)**  
members:Gabriel Knight, Grace Nakamura.  
car:Toyota MR2.

Maine **(Non Sequitur)**  
member:Captain Eddie.  
car:Mazda RX-7.

Massachusetts** (Cheers)**

An overweight man named Norm Peterson walked into the Boston bar known as Cheers. He had black, curly hair and wore a brown suit. He greeted the occupants with a cheery "Afternoon, everybody!"

The entire bar called out "Norm!"

An older man in a postal worker's uniform, Cliff Clavin, got off his bar stool and ran over. "Hey, Nammie." he said with a thick Boston accent. "Look what we got." he said as he showed Norm his cell phone.

"Get out." said Norm. "We got called for the Gumball?"

"A couple of minutes ago." said Cliff. "Ready to go?"

"Sure, why not?" asked Norm. "Sammy, I'd like that beer to go."

They went outside to a white Dodge Neon R/T. "Nice car." said Norm.

"It was the best I could do on a postman's salary." said Cliff.

"Does she run?" asked Norm.

"Just watch." said Cliff.

Cliff got into the driver's seat and Norm got in next to him.

"Alright, we just slip the key in here." said Cliff as he inserted the ignition key. "And presto." He started the car.

Norm took out a bottle of beer and opened it.

"And here we go." said Cliff.

He hit the accelerator just as Norm was about to put the beer to his mouth. Norm ended up spilling his beer.

"Dammit, Cliffy." he said.

"Ah, sorry about that, Norm." said Cliff. He took out another beer and said "Here, got you a spare."

Norm took the other beer and opened it. He took a sip, then alternated with the first.

Michigan **(Home Improvement)**

A red Chevrolet Camaro Z28 (fourth generation) sat in the middle of a soundstage. The stage was being used for shooting the home improvement program "Tool Time". The studio audience applauded.

"Hello, and welcome to 'Tool Time'!" announced a black-haired man. "I'm your host, Tim Taylor, and as always, this is my noble assistant Al Borland."

"Today, we've taken a little change of pace." said a bearded man in a flannel shirt. "Our project is not a room or an appliance, but a car."

"Not just any car. This one." said Tim as he pointed to the Camaro. "Al, what have we been doing with this car?"

"We've been modifying the drivetrain with a new gear kit and a limited slip differential." said Al. "We've also modified the suspension for better handling and put on better brakes."

"In addition to that, we've added a supercharger." said Tim. "We've also upgraded the intake, headers, and manifolds and installed a new engine control unit. Do you know what that means?"

The entire studio audience yelled "More power!"

Tim responded with a series of grunts.

"Well, it's more powerful." said Al. "But does it run?"

"Let's find out." said Tim as he got into the Camaro.

"I like to keep a safe distance." said Al. "At times like this, he tends to use me for a human shield."

Tim closed the door, inserted the key into the ignition, and turned it. The engine came to life with a thunderous roar.

"Oh yeah!" yelled Tim. "We got it!"

"Rev it up!" yelled Al.

Tim revved the engine while holding the brake with his other foot.

"Hit it again!" yelled Al. "I don't think they heard you in Kalamazoo!"

Tim revved the engine again.

"Hey, check this out!" he yelled. "'Ode To Joy' with a V8!"

He revved the engine to the tune of "Ode To Joy". When he hit the last note, his foot slipped off the brake and the car raced across the stage. He ended up crashing into the set wall.

"While the crash crew is taking care of him," said Al "I'd like to reveal our plans for this car. We have been asked to take part in the Gumball Rally which is taking place in New Zealand this year. If we can get this car out of the wall, we're sure to make a great showing."

Tim walked over after getting out of the Camaro. "Hey, did you tell them about the race?" he asked.

"Sure did." said Al.

"Bet the competition's worried." said Tim.

Al looked at the Camaro. "I don't think so, Tim." he said.

Minnesota** (Mystery Science Theater 3000)**  
members:Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot.  
car:Toyota Corolla 1.6.

Nevada** (Reno 911)**  
members:Jim Dangle, Travis Junior.  
car:Pontiac Firebird.

New Jersey** (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)**  
members:Buckaroo Banzai, Rawhide.  
car:Mitsubishi 3000GT.

New York** (The Gumball Rally)**  
members:Michael Bannon, (pending)  
car:Dodge Viper GTS.

Ohio** (3rd Rock From The Sun)**

Two aliens had taken human form in Rutherford. They had become men with dark hair.

"Okay, fully formed?" asked the more muscular one, who went by Tommy Solomon.

"Check." said his companion who posed as his uncle Harry.

"Alright, let's get the Rambler and enter the Gumball." said Tommy.

They entered a junkyard and walked up to the manager.

"Excuse me, my good man." said Harry. "We're looking for a car and we were told it was brought here."

"I'll see if I can find it." said the manager. "What kind of car is it?"

"It's a red nineteen sixty-two Rambler convertible." said Tommy.

"Hold on, I have to check my files." said the manager. He went to his shed.

"Wow." said Harry. "I can't believe we're taking part in the Gumball Rally."

"Me neither." said Tommy. "All we have to do is pick up the Rambler and it's off to New Zealand."

"Why have we been entered in the Gumball Rally anyway?" asked Harry.

"Racers from all over Earth are contacted for the race every year." said Tommy. "We're being entered to research its cultural impact to the people of Earth."

"And the best way to do that research is to enter the race?" asked Harry. "I like this kind of science."

The manager returned with a disappointed look on his face. "I have some bad news." he said. "I found your car."

"That doesn't sound like bad news to me." said Harry.

"Well, where is it?" asked Tommy.

"Here." said the manager as he pointed to a metal block that resulted from a car being fed through the crusher.

"How much to get it roadworthy?" asked Harry.

The manager just looked at him dumbfounded.

"Look, we need a car and soon." said Tommy.

"Luckily, I have a few cars I've repossessed." said the manager. "I think I can give you one out of compensation for crushing yours."

Minutes later...

"We'll take this one." said Tommy as he looked over a red Mazda MX-5 Miata.

"Very good choice, my man." said the manager.

Within minutes, they were in the car.

"So, now what do we do?" asked Harry from the passenger seat.

"Now, we wait until we receive notice that the Gumball Rally is starting." said Tommy. "The notification could come in any form. It could be a phone call, an e-mail, a page."

"I guess we'll keep our eyes open." said Harry as he suddenly lurched and jerked around until his eyes were closed and his hands were up by his face. "Incoming message from the Big Giant Head." he said in monotone. "Gumball. I now return control to your radio man in three, two, one." Harry let out a burp and asked "What did I miss?"

"We're going to New Zealand." said Tommy as he started the car.

Oklahoma **(original)**  
members:Rick Peters, Dick Peters.  
car:Honda S2000.

Pennsylvania** (The Office (US))**  
members:Dwight Schrute, Andy Bernard.  
car:Acura Integra Type-R.

Rhode Island** (Family Guy)**  
members:Peter Griffin, Brian.  
car:Honda Civic Type R.

South Dakota** (Warehouse 13)**  
members:Peter Lattimer, Myka Bering.  
car:Ford Focus SVT '03.

Texas **(King Of The Hill)**  
members:Hank Hill, Lucky.  
car:Chevrolet Camaro.

Vermont **(Newhart)**  
members:Larry, Darryl, Darryl.  
car:Toyota Celica SS-I.

Virginia **(Covert Affairs)**  
members:Annie Walker, Augie Anderson.  
car:Volkswagen Golf MkIV.

Washington** (John Doe)**  
member:John Doe.  
car:Acura RSX Type-S.

Wisconsin** (Step By Step)**  
members:J.T. Lambert, Cody Lambert.  
car:Toyota Celica SS-II.

Washington, D.C.** (NCIS)**  
members:Jethro Gibbs, Anthony DiNozzo, Abigail Sciuto.  
car:Dodge SRT-4.

Australia** ("Crocodile" Dundee)**  
member:Mick "Crocodile" Dundee.  
car:Holden Monaro CV8.

Brazil** (Tekken)**  
members:Eddy Gordo, Christie Monteiro.  
car:Mazda RX-8.

Canada **(X-Men, Alpha Flight)**  
members:Wolverine, Puck.  
car:Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII.

China** (Rush Hour, Martial Law, original)**  
members:Inspector Lee, Sammo Law, Detective Chang.  
car:Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VI.

France** (The Pink Panther, District B13)**  
members:Inspector Clouseau, Leito.  
car:Peugeot 206 GTI.

Germany** (Alarm fur Cobra 11)**  
members:Semir Gerkhan, Ben Jager.  
car:Volkswagen Corrado VR6.

Great Britain **(Top Gear)**

A blue '73 Corvette raced around the Top Gear Test Track. Behind the wheel was a middle-aged man with a slight paunch and grey, curly hair. He was one of the hosts of "Top Gear", Jeremy Clarkson.

"I thought a Corvette would handle better than this." he muttered. "It's all over the track, interior is rubbish, steering wheel's on the wrong side."

At the start/finish line, the other two hosts watched. The shorter, brown-haired man, Richard Hammond, held a stopwatch.

"How's he doing?" asked the third host, James May. He was taller than Richard and had thick, brown hair.

"Not brilliantly." said Richard, trying not to laugh. "I think he's definitely not used to the Corvette's handling."

Jeremy turned into the curve known as the Hammerhead. He went wide and fishtailed a little.

"You know," said James "I don't think Jeremy is The Stig after all."

Jeremy raced for the Follow-Through and narrowly avoided brushing a wall of tires. He came out of the passage and went straight into the grass.

"He doesn't have a clue!" laughed Richard. "He just doesn't have the foggiest!"

Jeremy slowed down a bit and took the Corvette through the next to last corner.

"And all that's left is Gambon." said James.

"Remember that we both had trouble with that." said Richard. "He just might make up some time."

Jeremy tried to cut through the apex, but clipped the corner and spun out. He ended up rolling across the line backwards.

"No, I'm wrong." said Richard.

Jeremy drove over to them and parked. He climbed out of the car. "Well?" he asked.

"Take a look." said Richard as he showed him the stopwatch. He couldn't hide his amusement.

Jeremy couldn't hide his disappointment. "Are you kidding me?" he asked. "This is the best time you registered me at?"

"It gets worse." said James as he showed Jeremy a chart on a clipboard.

Jeremy looked at the chart and gave James a death glare. "You beat me? You?" he asked.

"Yes, your time has been bested by 'Captain Slow'." said James proudly.

"How is that even possible?" asked Jeremy.

"Well, the thing is you're heading into the turns too quickly." said Richard.

"He's right." said James. "I could walk out onto the track while you're out there and be perfectly safe as long as I stayed within the recommended line."

"This just won't do." said Jeremy. "I have to drive this car the length of New Zealand while the two of you sail the distance in that boat we chartered."

"You can still practice." said Richard. "The race doesn't start for a while."

A man in a white lab coat walked over and handed an envelope to James. James opened the envelope and pulled out the paper inside. "I'm afraid not." he said. He showed the paper to Richard and Jeremy. It read "Gumball".

"So, what do we do now?" asked Jeremy.

"I have an idea." said Richard. "You will sail the boat the length of New Zealand while James and I drive the Corvette."

"That's your idea?" asked Jeremy.

"At this point, we really can't be picky." said James.

"Very well." said Jeremy. "It's a plan. Good luck."

India **(The Guru, The Big Bang Theory)**  
members:Ramu Gupta, Rajesh Koothrappali.  
car:Vauxhall Corsa Sri 1.8i 16V.

Ireland **(CR2000 series)**  
members:Patrick Bannon, Andy Dunn.  
car:Ford Focus ZTS '04.

Italy (information pending)

Japan **(Rival Schools: United By Fate)**

In Tokyo, two teenage boys walked down a dark side street.

"How did this cell phone end up at Gedo High School?" asked one of the boys, a skinny youth with spiked hair that had been dyed blonde. He wore a purple sweater, jacket, headband, and pants.

"It must have been dropped by a visitor." said the other. He was a rather sizable fellow wearing green pants and a matching jacket. He also wore a white headband and geta sandals. (Look it up.)

"Still, finding the person who..." said the purple-clad boy before the phone rang. He carefully opened it and said "Hello?"

"I trust this phone has found you." said the voice on the other end. "Is Gan Isurugi there?"

"Uh, yes I am." said the large guy.

"Is Eiji Yamada with you?"

"Call me 'Edge'!" demanded the skinny guy.

"Very well, Edge. Gumball."

"What is that supposed to mean?" asked Gan.

"You have heard of the Gumball Rally, haven't you? All you need is the car and you're in the race. Good luck."

The call ended. They continued walking.

"Daigo has told me about the Gumball." said Edge. "He said he's been asked to compete numerous times, but couldn't make it this year."

"Maybe he wants us to attend in his place." said Gan.

"Maybe." said Edge. "The question that remains is 'where are we going to get a car?'"

They walked around a corner and saw it. The "it" being a blue '99 Nissan Skyline GT-R.

"Looks like things are going our way." said Edge.

"I hope I can fit in this thing." said Gan.

Edge took out a switchblade and popped it open. He inserted it into the Skyline's keyhole and unlocked the door. "Come on." he said.

Edge unlocked the passenger side door and let Gan in. Surprisingly, he fit. Edge stuck his knife in the ignition and started the car. They took off seconds later.

"Where do we have to go for the race?" asked Gan.

"You know, that would be a good thing to find out." said Edge.

Mexico **(Nacho Libre)**  
member:Ignacio/Nacho.  
car:Honda Integra Type R '02.

New Zealand (information pending)

Panau** (orignal)**  
members:Balong, (pending)  
car:Honda NSX.

Romania **(Dracula)**  
member:Count Dracula.  
car:Chevrolet Corvette Z06.

Russia **(Command And Conquer: Red Alert 2)**  
members:Crazy Ivan, Boris.  
car:Subaru Impreza 22B STi.

South Korea** (Super Street Fighter 4, Arrested Development)**  
members:Juri, Heh-Lo Bluth.  
car:Mitsubishi FTO.

Spain **(MASK)**  
member:Julio Lopez.  
car:Nissan 350Z.

Sweden** (Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction)**

A muscular man rode a motorcycle along the streets of Caracas, Venezuela. He wore a black leather vest and had his hair in a mohawk. His beard had been braided on either side. His name was Matthias Nilssen.

Matthias rode into a garage on a stretch of land serving as his private military comany's headquarters. He parked near a jet black '67 Ford Mustang and a yellow Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. A hispanic woman who had been working on them walked over.

"Well, boss." said the woman, known as Eva. "How does the car look?"

Matthias climbed off of the motorcycle and said "Please tell me I've got the Mustang." gruffly.

"All yours." said Eva. "That's too much machismo for me anyway."

"Suit yourself." said Matthias.

"When does this race start anyway?" asked Eva.

Matthias' cell phone rang. He checked the screen. "Now." he said.

Eva tossed him the keys to the Mustang. "I think you're going to like what I've done." she said.

"Oh yeah." said Matthias as he walked over to the Mustang. He climbed in while Eva got into the Eclipse.

Thailand** (Kickboxer)**  
member:Tong Po.  
car:Honda Integra Type R '99.

Venezuela **(Mercenaries 2: World In Flames)**  
member:Eva.  
car:Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX.

Michael closed the file. "The course is set." he said. "The drivers have been picked. Everything is ready. All that's missing is my teammate."

He walked over to a window overlooking Manhattan.

"The question is: who will it be?" he asked. "I can't think of anyone who would join me on this one. Maybe I should find another New Yorker who would join me. But who?"

He sat down at his desk and picked up the newspaper. He looked through the entertainment section and his eyes widened.

"Perfect." he said. He closed the newspaper and ran out the door.

Some time later, he had gone to a local comedy club. The marqee read "Now performing: Jerry Seinfeld."

Onstage, a man with black, curly hair delivered a comedy routine.

"You ever notice that vampires no longer turn into bats? When we were kids and hearing about vampires, they would always turn into bats when they had to go somewhere. They wouldn't hop on a Harley, jump into a helicopter, fire up a Corvette. No, they'd just sweep the cape in front of themselves and poof.

"Nowadays, they're stuck using normal human transportation. I have a friend who's into vampires. I asked him 'Why don't vampires turn into bats anymore?' He told me 'It's just really unrealistic.' That's what he told me. It's unrealistic. So, we're talking about creatures that are both living and dead at the same time, burst into flame in the sun, can create others like them with a simple procedure, have strength and speed far beyond that of a normal person of their build. And turning into a bat is unrealistic?

"If you ask me, I think the automobile industry is behind it. Think about it. It's faster, more fuel efficient, less chance of getting into a traffic jam. The automobile industry realizes that and they tell the movie industry 'We have a serious problem here. You're showing off a potentially unbeatable alternative to our product and it has to stop. Just stop with the turning into bats and we'll keep supplying the cars that shine lights on actors' faces and explode in mid-air after going off a cliff.'

"Thank you. You've been a wonderful audience."

After the show, Jerry walked out to a black mid-90s Saab 900. As he was getting the door open, two men in a red sedan pulled up next to him. The driver said "Hey, I really enjoyed the show!"

"Oh. Thank you very much." said Jerry.

"Yeah, I laughed my ass off!" said the passenger.

"Good thing you told me that." said Jerry. "Now, if we find a wayward ass lying around, we'll know who it belongs to."

The sedan drove off and Jerry continued to get into his car. He stopped when he wound up in the glow of a pair of headlights. He looked up and saw a man climbing out of the car belonging to the headlights.

The man walked up to Jerry. When he entered the light from a nearby spotlight, he was revealed to be Michael. "Mr. Seinfeld?"

"What is this?" asked Jerry suspiciously.

"My name's Michael Bannon."

"And why are you talking to me?" asked Jerry.

"I am the founder of the Gumball Rally." said Michael. "I am also a participant. I have been challenged to another race spanning the length of New Zealand. I'm in need of a teammate. You're known to be one of New York's top car buffs. I thought you would be the natural choice."

"Are you serious?" asked Jerry.

"As a dead battery." said Michael.

"How long a journey is this?" asked Jerry. "Are you certain I'm the guy for the job?"

"I'm more than certain." said Michael.

"Okay, there's one more thing I must ask." said Jerry. "If I were to accept this challenge, what car would we be using?"

"This one." said Michael as he walked towards the headlights.

He walked over to the passenger compartment, reached in, and turned off the headlights. The car was revealed to be a red Dodge Viper GTS.

"Well, now I'm convinced." said Jerry.

"We'll be leaving sometime next month." said Michael. "I'll get back to you on the details."

"Okay, I look forward to hearing from you." said Jerry.

Jerry got into his Saab while Michael got into his Viper. Jerry started his car and started to drive off. Before he got out of the parking lot, Michael got out of his Viper. Jerry pulled up next to him.

"Can you give me a jump?" asked Michael.

Little did they realize, a spy for Balong watched the meeting. He took photos and sent them to Balong.

"So, Bannon has chosen this man as his partner." he said. "I see I have no choice but to nullify that advantage."

AN:Please. Read and_ review_.


End file.
